Residency and contact

Residency of children after divorce
The belief among many fathers that the mother will automatically gain residency of any children after a divorce is not true. A court will do what it believes is in the best interest of a child taking all circumstances into account. Often it will decide that a baby or a very young child would be better off staying with the mother.

If the child is old enough to understand what is going on a court will take account of his or her wishes along with other considerations such as the physical, emotional and educational needs of that child.

As a child gets older the balance swings away from the mother somewhat, although the availability of childcare will be something that has to be taken into consideration. If the father has stayed at home to care for children while mother was in full time employment, the father may well be granted residency. It is in the best interests of the children that they remain, for the majority of their time, with their primary carer, whether that is mother or father.

Contact for the non resident parent
A Statement of Arrangements for any children of a marriage has to be made when filing a petition for divorce. This lays down details of contact for the non resident parent. Contact can be by telephone or in writing as well as actual visits. As long as both parents are in agreement about these the court will not intervene but will help if requested to do so.

If you are having difficulty agreeing with your former husband or wife about residency or access to children then a trained mediator may be able to help you resolve your differences. If money is in short supply you may be eligible for public funding – ask your solicitor or mediator about this. Mediators can also help with financial and property issues.

National Family Mediation and Citizens Advice Bureau will both be able to point you in the right direction. If you do not think that mediation is right for your circumstances at the moment it is worth bearing in mind for the future when the dust has settled.

Involving the courts
If all other means to come to an acceptable arrangement about residency and/or contact fail then court action may have to be considered. However, once a court becomes involved it will make its decision in whichever way it deems in the child's(or children's) best interest based on The Children Act. Initially it may well try to arrange a meeting for all those concerned with a Conciliation Officer to try to reach agreement.

If accord cannot be reached then a judge can ask both parties to attend a hearing and mediation may be suggested if it has not already been tried. At this stage CAFCASS (Child and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) may become involved.

Once the courts are involved you will need a solicitor – if you don’t have one acting for you already – be prepared as this may well be a lengthy and expensive process. You can find a solicitor by visiting either Solicitors Online or Resolution -– the Family Law Association.

Although divorce can be difficult for all members of a family and it is only natural that both parents want to spend as much time as possible with their children, it cannot be emphasised too heavily that it is what is best for the child or children and not the wishes of the parents that is most important and should be remembered at every stage of divorce and separation.

The Centre for Seperated Families supports the rights of both children and parents to maintain close relationships after divorce and relationship breakdown. They provide advice and support as well as courses for parents to help them negotiate the changes that come with separation and divorce.