Infidelity as a reason for divorce

Modern popular belief is that men and women treat marriage as just another disposable commodity and although in some instances this would certainly appear to be the case, the truth is that it can be remarkably difficult to bring a marriage to an end. Over the years the reasons why men and women seek out divorce have changed although traditionalists still argue that marriage should be for life.

 

Whilst most people will marry because they have strong feelings for each other when they wish to divorce they must provide solid reasons for wishing to do so and it would appear to be the case that the three reasons given are excessive alcohol consumption, domestic violence and the extra marital affair.

Call it what you will – infidelity, cheating, adultery, having an affair - is probably the most hurtful occurrence in a marriage where monogamy is the usually accepted requirement. Discovering that your husband or wife has been unfaithful can be devastating even if does not necessarily mean the end of a relationship. Many otherwise happy couples in what would be seen as successful relationships struggle with this issue at some point during their marriage but often a transgression by one or the other partners in a relationship ends in a trip to the divorce courts.

It is difficult to reliably estimate figures on the frequency of extra marital affairs and to establish reasons about why people have affairs. Under scrutiny people may exaggerate their experiences or conversely, not want to admit to it at all in case their partner may somehow discover their misdemeanours but it is thought that at any one time approximately 15% of men and 10% of women have had sexual encounters outside of their marriage.

Adultery within a marriage is often linked to dissatisfaction within the relationship. One in ten couples are reported to never have sex with each other at all and while men are more likely to cite sexual dissatisfaction as a reason for straying women may seek out an affair because they feel neglected or unequal within the partnership.

Other reasons for indulging in an affair outside of marriage include boredom, the need for excitement, fun or risk, revenge, the desire to be found attractive or escape from an unhappy or difficult relationship but there is probably no single reason why a married man or woman looks for sex or titillation other than with their legitimate spouse.

As far as divorce is concerned men are more likely than women to use adultery as a reason for the irretrievable breakdown of a marriage than women who are more likely to quote unreasonable behaviour. This would suggest that husbands are less likely to tolerate infidelity than wives even though men are more likely to stray.

Entering into an affair may not always be a conscious decision but where divorce is objected to by one or other of the members of a marriage an infidelity can often precipitate the desired result.