The emotional fallout, it could be nuclear

If you follow conventional wisdom, you’ll believe that true happiness only comes from being in a loving, stable relationship with another person.  That messes things up if you’re getting divorced doesn’t it?

woman and her dogA new best friend
A loving, stable relationship does not have to follow convention but could be with a friend, a relative or even with your beloved pet.  After an unfulfilling marriage and the upset of a divorce you may be in a better position for finding happiness than you have been for a long time.

However there will be times when, for whatever reason, you simply don't feel happy.  Fortunately, we have much more influence over our feelings than we may think.

Think positively
It is not always possible to avoid negative thoughts, but one of the secrets of mental balance is recognising when you are choosing to think negatively rather than positively.

A negative frame of mind can be turned around by some fundamental lifestyle adjustments. Here are some examples of things and activities that can help you feel good about yourself:

Expressing feelings and not bottling them up.
Aiming for achievable goals .
Making time for the things you enjoy.
A healthy diet
Enjoyable exercise.
Rewarding work.
Balancing work and leisure
Spending quality time with friends and family

And here are some examples of things that won’t make you feel good about yourself:

Too much stress
Worrying unnecessarily.
Work that you don’t enjoy.
Feelings of rage or frustration.
Expecting too much of yourself .
Thinking negatively.
Poor diet and drinking too much alcohol- or recreational drug taking.
Spending too much time on your own .

Take control
Cultivate a positive attitude, have confidence in your abilities and try to view yourself as competent and in control of your life.

'relax' written in the sandChill out
Any sort of loss, including divorce, causes stress. But positive events such as marriage or having a baby have high stress ratings too. The secret is to deal with damaging stress before it affects your health.  Here are a number of actions to take that should help you avoid stressful situations.

Accept offers of help .
Focus on one thing at a time (rather than piling stress on stress) .
Know your own limits (don't demand too much of yourself).
Talk to someone.
Let off steam in a safe way (tear up a telephone directory, hit a pillow).
Walk away from stressful situations.
Spend time with people who are rewarding rather than judgmental.
Practise deep, slow breathing.

Once you get started it starts getting better
Once you begin making a deliberate effort to take notice of your emotions and take practical steps to tackle negative feelings, it will soon become second nature, and your downbeat demeanour will have disappeared forever.  Now you can move forward in a positive frame of mind into a new and better life.


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