Some advice on post divorce rebound relationships

Getting divorced or coming out of a long relationship is always going to be a miserable time.  It can leave you vulnerable to smothering your feeling of loss, guilt and anger by jumping into another relationship straight away.

The problem with using other people to fix your pain is that it can turn into a pattern.  Next thing you know you've got a list of short term relationships stretching half way across the county and no idea as to why you still feel bad about your new life after divorce.

Simple advice
The best advice following divorce is to stay away from any new relationships until you are good and ready.  In the early days after divorce it is all too easy to get into situations or relationships that you normally would have avoided like bird flu.

Right now it's probably better to clear your life of all liaisons and concentrate on yourself for a while.  Take some time to think about where you are in life and how you got there.  Don't beat yourself up; nobody is blameless in a divorce.  So if you truly want to enjoy life after divorce give yourself time to reach some understanding about your past.

There is no way back
Even after a divorce one of the ex partners may still fantasise about getting back together.  In reality this is about as likely as winning the lottery but nothing like such a good idea.  Although older visitors to the site may remember that Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor did marry twice, but it's all Hollywood, really.

istock_couple_on_beach000001235406xsmall.jpgToo soon to know
If, despite the best advice, you go straight back into relationship land try to gain a little perspective before you fall for the first man or woman who shows the slightest bit of interest.  That friendly smile as you stand in fresh veg. at the supermarket trying to decide between broccoli and leeks may not mean ‘I really fancy you and want to sleep with you next week.' 

Understand that you are on the divorce rebound and try to keep a casual and light-hearted attitude as you navigate the rocky rapids of post divorce relationship building.

Just go gently
Whilst seeing new people can distract you from your woes and confirm that there is a life after divorce, if you're beginning to get serious about someone new too soon you may be getting in over your head.  The best way to deal with intense, rebound-related emotions is to reason your way out of them.

If you can admit to yourself that you may be in dire need of companionship, affection and a warm body in your bed (nothing wrong with that) then try to see your new lover from this perspective.  Be honest with yourself and be honest with him/her.  It's not easy but it will save you both from any future misunderstandings.

There's no harm in post divorce rebound relationships if you take them for what they're worth. They can reaffirm the fact that you are still desirable and provide some comfort in difficult times and who knows you might even find a new soul mate as they gently browse the fresh veg.

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