Re-building esteem and confidence after divorce

The divorce shaped hole will take some filling but it can be done. Make the most of your friends and family and just remember than being divorced does not make you anything less than you were.  There are millions of us!

Re-building esteem and confidence
A major and traumatic life change as experienced marriage breakdown can lead to feelings of lowered esteem and self respect. If your husband or wife was unfaithful to you then you may no longer feel attractive.

If you were abused in some manner, you may have abandoned any confidence you once had in yourself.  Now is the time to build yourself up again. Dump all that negativity, grab life by the throat and shake it until it begs for mercy!

The divorce shaped hole
Don’t be hard on yourself. So you’re not perfect, who is for goodness sake?  Give yourself a great big pat on the back – if you can reach.  After all, you have survived thus far.  Take your time and gradually get your life back on track.  Focusing on your family or your job will help.

Be proud of what you have achieved and allow yourself occasional treats.  Well, maybe not that brand new top of the range Saab convertible or that month long holiday in the Bahamas, something a little more modest – be sensible – don’t splurge loads of money trying to fill up that divorce shaped hole inside of you.  Running up huge bills on the plastic won’t do you any favours.

It’s also important that you don’t withdraw from your friends and relatives at a time when you most need them, a supportive network of chums at work, and out of it, will help you through the days.

Act fabulous
A large part of appearing attractive is your outward persona.  A happy person is instantly more attractive to others than a downhearted sullen one although you may well feel that you have good reason to walk around looking as if you are carrying the woes of the entire world.

Be fabulous
Talk to people. Chat to the old lady in the queue at the supermarket checkout or the young guy at the petrol station.  Tell yourself that you are a groovy, funky, hip, cool, not to mention desirable person and act it even if you don’t believe it and don't think it can’t possibly make any difference because it will. And smile.  At everybody.  That’s an order.
 
Where fools rush in
Turn down, politely of course, meaning people who might want to set you up with someone.  Dashing well headlong into another relationship because you are lonely will more than likely end in tears and give your confidence another whacking.  A good night out (or in) with your mates from time to time will be more therapeutic.

Turn spending time on your own into something positive – take up a weird martial art, sign up for a course of conversational Hindustani, volunteer to help with the local Save The Lobster campaign. Anything. Just do something. And talking to people who have had similar experiences rarely fails to help. If you think you’ve had a bad time there is always someone who has had a worse one. You are not alone. There are thousands of us out here. Millions.

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