How to create a better mother daughter relationship during and after divorce

In a divorce all of the complex relationships which surround the central relationship of the marriage come under great strain.  The breaking of that central relationship will cause a considerable amount of collateral damage.

Divorce is not just a matter between the couple but will have a serious impact upon the complex web of interrelationships between family and friends. 

mother and daughter on the beachA very precious relationship
One of the most precious is that between mother and daughter.  It has a special characteristic which sets it apart from the other parent child relationships.  This does not imply that these other relationships are less important but just different.

The strain of a divorce on families can hurt even the best mother daughter relationship.  Here's some good divorce advice on how to preserve your mother daughter relationship during and after the maelstrom of the divorce.

Don't treat your daughter like your best friend or confidant
Of course you are going through a tough time as you adjust to a totally different life.  Being a single parent mum will put a great strain on relationships with all your children.  However, mothers often see their daughters as different and will share confidences about their marriage and the divorce which they would never share with their sons.

This is never ever a good idea.  It's bad enough that the divorce is happening at all.  Children of all ages should be given a simple and objective explanation and then all the love and support both parents can muster to help them adjust to their new lives.  Sharing the intimate details of a disintegrating relationship puts a grossly unfair burden on your daughter.  She is not your best friend and trying to create that relationship will be confusing and distressing for her.

Perhaps even worse is using personal revelations to justify the divorce from your perspective.  Children find it hard enough to imagine their parents having sex and they certainly don't want to hear about the emotional and sexual anatomy of their parent's marriage.  They just can't handle it and if made to do so the relationships with your daughters could be soured for life.

Encourage her to spend time with her father
Girls need a positive relationship with their fathers and this is especially important after a divorce.  This will help them to grow up with self-confidence and give them a good foundation upon which to build their own relationships as they mature.

It's important to support and encourage as much contact as possible between your ex-husband and your daughter.  Don't make her feel guilty about this contact or the fact that sometimes she will chose her dad over you.

Cooperating on the small stuff will be helpful to all of you
One of the very difficult bits about life after divorce with children is setting the boundaries that will apply in the two households.  For the very young bed times are a big deal.  For teenagers how long they can stay out at night is always a tricky boundary to impose.  If all this stuff can be the same in both households then life will be better for you children and for you.

Following this straight forward divorce advice will not give you the perfect divorce or life after divorce but it will help in making things a bit easier and give you more space and time to your life back into the shape you want it to be.

 

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