Dads, stay with your kids after divorce. Mums, help to make it happen.

The effects of a divorce can very often be very similar to those produced by the detonation of a thermonuclear device.  It has two destructive elements, a blast wave and superintense heat followed by the much longer and increadibly damaging radiation effect.  Just like divorce.

nuclear_bomb.jpgDivorce also has immediate effects, total disruption of your life, your partner's and those of your children.  Not unlike the devastation that would be wrought by the destructive energy of a nuclear first strike.

The longer term effects like those of nuclear radiation may never totally go away.  A way to reduce this is to stay close to your children.  This is true for both parents but as children mostly live with their mother then the problem of doing this usually falls to the father.

Disturbing research results
Recently an uber chic London law firm did some extensive research on the divorce experience of a large number of divorced parents.  In this research they discovered that more than one third (38%) of divorced fathers disappear from their children's lives after a divorce.  This is by any measure a very high figure.  It's bad for dads and no good for the kids either.  It is the tangible outcome of the intense fear of abandonment that so many kids experience when they hear that fateful announcement "Daddy and I are getting divorced."

Staying in there
Staying in touch and maintaining the relationship with your children can be anything from very easy to extremely difficult.  Distance is a prime factor together with stuff such as the state of the post divorce relationship with your ex spouse, her new relationship (if any) and your new relationship (if any), plus any children that might come with those relationships.  Messy it very often is.

It may not be easy but it's worth it 
In 21st Century multi fractured, multi level family life it can be hard but that does nothing to reduce the importance of being there for your children.  If you lose this loving and caring relationship, then re-establishing it will be heart achingly difficult.  The best way ahead is to agree during the divorce process that you are going to work together for the absent parent to maintain their relationship with their children.

Clearly, when the divorce has been fought over with all the intractable desolation of the Battle of Stalingrad then working together for the benefit of the children may not be something that's going to happen.  But, think about it you once loved each other and you both love you kids.  Don't let them lose a parent just because you've lost your marriage.  They deserve better than that. 

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