Sex after divorce

When marriage breakdown ends in a bruising divorce it is natural that you may be reticent about embarking on a new relationship in case it leads to the re-opening of wounds that you are anxious to heal.

dreamstime_2228822.jpgDiscovering sex after divorce
Before you launch yourself headlong onto our dating site for divorced people it may be wise to ask yourself a few questions.

Are you ready for a new relationship?
There are a number of issues that determine whether you are ready to embark on a close relationship.  Is your life reasonably stable?  It is not a good idea to use a relationship as a means of getting your life sorted out.  Get your life together first, then you can build a new relationship on a firm foundation.

Have you learned lessons from the past?
Make your previous experience work for you, especially if it was a negative one otherwise you will find yourself in a cycle of hurt and pain that will keep repeating itself.  Sometimes what we think we want isn’t what we really need.  Bearing in mind your past experience, what traits in a prospective partner would help you feel comfortable and confident?

Casual sex can be damaging
Sex isn’t like riding a bike (unless you ride a bike in a very peculiar way!). So once you emerge from a divorce, it isn’t just a matter of picking yourself up and leaping on the next available partner.  Having casual sex with someone after you have just come out of marriage breakdown can be harmful mentally and emotionally.  Sex (or the lack of it) may have been one of the reasons for divorce.

It is common for women to experience declining self-esteem and sometimes intense depression after having casual sex. Men, by contrast, tend to enjoy a sexual smorgasbord.  Even so, apart from the ones with the most voracious sexual appetites they will also eventually begin to feel dissatisfied with casual liaisons and want to look for a more committed and intimate relationship.

dreamstime_1972971.jpgSafe sex
If you have been married for a large number of years and are recently divorced you may be ignorant about modern sexual practices. STIs - sexually transmitted infections - are rife amongst the sexually active and you need to be aware of the risks of contracting one.

Sex for singletons
So, if you’re doing the sensible thing and avoiding casual sex (either by choice or by providence), how can you, as a divorcee, scratch your sexual itch?

Masturbation
This is the best way to have sex when partners are unavailable.  Medical professionals report that masturbation can be beneficial to physical, emotional and sexual health, relieving sexual tension whilst achieving physical pleasure.  By increasing awareness of our sexual preferences and capabilities, masturbation may equip us to make better and more responsible sexual choices for ourselves.

Sex toys
Sex toys are becoming an increasingly common part of people's lives, with over half of women owning at least one vibrator. There are a surprising array of fun and yet highly arousing sex toys on offer for both men and women.  The great thing about any solo sexual experience is that you don’t have to woo yourself with flowers and candlelit dinners, simply close the curtains, flex those digits or get out your Rampant Rabbit or the Durex Wand and have a great time.  

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