My friend's recently divorced husband rang her the other day on some obviously fabricated pretext (had she got the tin opener or he couldn't find the Dyson), whilst on the line he took the opportunity to share some of his thoughts on life after divorce.
Just to give you some background, it was she who had insisted on getting divorced after 15 years of marriage during which things were always done his way. The split necessitated selling the shared assets including their impressive family home.
He made heavy weather of every aspect of the divorce procedure. He disputed the reasons for divorce and fell out with his own divorce solicitor. He protested strongly at the financial settlement and was incensed at the cost of divorce. They both suffered from the financial repercussions of the divorce but for him things were about to change.
His take home pay resembled a telephone number
Not long after being divorced he was promoted a couple of times in quick succession and his enhanced salary enabled him to buy a spacious villa in Italy which complimented his bijou pad (one bedroomed flat) in London. He upgraded his car and his wardrobe. In material terms he had bounced right back. He took great pleasure in pointing out the realities of her post-divorce circumstances which now contrasted so starkly to his own.
‘Well Felicity (name changed to protect the innocent) let's think about your situation.' He spoke slowly and deliberately as someone who was savouring the moment. ‘You live in a small house on a crummy estate. You do a low paid job and spend your free time carting the children from place to place. The way I see it you have no money and no life.'
Felicity listened in silence and when his seemingly interminable venomous soliloquy was over she put down the phone.
Her material life after divorce
‘That's right' she thought, ‘Since getting divorced I have lost my lovely house. I no longer have my impressive car. I live on a tight budget and penny pinch on a daily basis. I cannot afford foreign holidays and the closest I get to wild living is Pizza Hut on a Friday night with the kids.'
She looked pensive for a second or two but then her face took on an enormous smile. ‘I am over the moon to be free of him, I have never been happier.'