The clear and obvious difference between now and then is that before you were part of a system, a couple. Now through the long and often difficult divorce process you stand as a single bright star.
A marriage is a bit like a binary star system where two stars orbit around their common centre of mass. This is a stable system and our universe contains over 100,000 pairs of such stars. However, like a marriage if these stars were to fall out of orbit then they would lose that stability.
That's exactly what happens in divorce or separation. We exit a stable (but profoundly unsatisfactory) system and enter into an unknown and unstable lone life. The essence of a good life after divorce is to stabilise and enrich this new lifestyle. Going straight to searching for a replacement for your missing star is probably not the answer. However, if you do want to go this way then we have some great replacement stars.
How to stabilise and enrich your life after divorce
The transition from one system to another will be defined by anticipation, excitement and some considerable trepidation. It's a scary time. Most of the work to stabilise your new situation will come from within you (with a great deal of help and support from family and friends). Take hold of your life and consider the advantages that this new life could deliver. The potential downsides can easily swamp you. Don't let that happen. Here are some thoughts that might help you achieve this.
Work on your inner beauty (yes, you guys can do this too!)
Feeling good about yourself is not easy, especially as you have just parted or been parted from a spouse. However, if you feel bad about yourself it will attract people into your life who have a similar poor opinion of themselves. Find people with a positive outlook and energy and that will help you find that for yourself.
Connect with the right people and follow your interests with passion
Feeling good about yourself is a lot to do with how you feel about your friends and family. Nurture those close to you whom you feel good about. Connect with people who share the same interests and positive outlook. Make changes, if you want to become a tap dancer, a potter or a great cook find out how to do this and get going. You'll soon see how your life is beginning to improve and become more fun.
Move outside your comfort zone
All this is going to mean you will need to take a few risks and try some new things. Staying in your comfort zone may at first seem to be a good and secure idea but it will restrict you as a person and make it far harder to move on in your life.
Include your married friends in your life
This is really important. Do not cut yourself off from your married friends. Single people need married friends as do married people need single friends. Let them see the new you and who you really are - an interesting, strong, happy and independent person.
A single life after divorce is a positive option. It's a lifestyle that you can choose for good reasons and not something that is forced upon you. Make that positive choice and build a strong and satisfying new life after divorce. You will not be alone.