Divorce is a time like no other for its ability to make us do the most unpleasant things to each other as well as the most inappropriate. Couples who have ‘fallen out of love' or ‘grown apart' can, almost overnight, fight to the death over the visiting arrangements for their children.
That's the really unpleasant aspects of divorce - how the boredom and indifference of the marriage can often change into full blooded warfare between two people who were once in love and are now just bored.
When it comes to inappropriate things, sex (making love?!) with the ex. probably wins the prize. For those couples who used sex as a means of controlling their partner having sex now will be even more destructive than it was within the marriage.
Keeping on good terms with your ex. is a good thing
It's good for you, good for your children and good for family and friends. It helps make it easier for everybody and turns the rather barbaric into the faintly civilised.
Having sex with your ex. is not a good thing
Maintaining or restarting an intimate relationship with the ex is damaging to your mental wellbeing and equilibrium as it completely contradicts the new and totally different relationship status that divorce confers upon a couple. Having sex now may evoke the great days of the marriage and you may feel twenty five again but it will confuse and compound the hurt. It can unload more emotional baggage more quickly than baggage handlers can empty a fully laden 747.
The emotional baggage that comes with a marriage followed by a legal break-up is heavy enough to handle, without the messy issues of sex with your ex cropping up. Experts advise couples to steer clear of getting physical with ex-partners after the divorce. It is also the one certain way of messing up a clean break divorce and making your new life after divorce less secure and satisfying.
Divorce is a new start and you needs a clean slate
Divorce means the end of the marital relationship and this must include the physical aspects of the relationship. You cannot get over the trauma of divorce if you physically desire your former partner. The divorce signifies a readiness for a new life without the troubles and desires of the old one.
Anything that keeps a hold over you, such as sex with the ex, should be avoided. It will also help you set and achieve new goals and ambitions instead of clinging to the past and a totally false comfort zone. Gaining control of your life unfettered by the past is the key to a satisfying and successful life after divorce.