Lies that can be told on a first date and those that can't

The first date in your new life after divorce can be a little spooky.  You will be severely out of practice and have all the self confidence of a five year old on the first day of school.  That first meeting is often stressful, sometimes surprising and occasionally wonderful.

dreamstime_xs_child_kisses_boy_20826638.jpgAs a rule, being economical with the truth is absolutely not a good idea.  First dates and everything thereafter should be strictly and totally honest.  The best advice is that if you want to see the person again, there's no point in making stuff up, the truth will out in the end and that can ruin a relationship.

If you don't want to see them again, what was the point of lying in the first place?  Dishonesty erodes the trust in a relationship and ultimately provides an unreliable foundation for a long term partnership.

To help this process here are a few white lies that are OK.  Anything beyond this is definitely not a good idea.  By far the best advice is just to be you, trying to impress is foolish and never works.  So here are four little fibs that it might be OK to tell on a first date.

Your profile caught my eye as soon as I saw it
Now the unvarnished truth may be that he or she only made it onto the short list after a lengthy second consideration.  Your current date doesn't want to know that you archived them as a maybe because they did not make the first cut.  It's not a golf tournament!

When you have said this don't dwell on it but move on to pick up on an aspect of their profile, "So you like rock climbing, that sounds fun/dangerous/completely crazy."  The conversation now has something to get started on.

Never been here before, it's really nice
This is the best response to the venue that he or she has picked for the first date.  The choice of the venue is difficult and is often made on the grounds of geographical location rather than romantic suitability.  Saying that you have been to the place a lot sends out all the wrong signals and begs the question - how many times and who with?  This may rightly or wrongly suggest a serial dater.  Not something you really want to be but sometimes unavoidable.

Life's pretty good
Be positive but truthful about your life.  Now is not the time to be moaning on about how you hate your job or the problems you are having with your ex partner.  If these topics come up just keep it light.  "I'm thinking about changing my job."  It's so much better than a long rant about your problems at work.

The bit about your ex partner is probably best not mentioned.  If the conversation goes that way just say "It's not good but I'm trying hard to make it better."  Then move on, a first date is best kept fun and light hearted but with the serious intent of getting an overall impression of the person you have just meet.

I've really had a good time
The end of the first date is the trickiest part of the whole evening.  The best advice is to thank your date for their company and say you enjoyed the evening.  By this time you may have decided that you would/would not like to meet that person again.  Should you say so now?  That's really difficult; in many ways if you have reached a view about meeting again it's best to say so.  This saves the wait after the date and if it's a no then you can get back to your life.

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