The anatomy of dating: Strategy, Structure and Success. Part One

Many (but by no means all) people who are divorced feel that finding a new partner is what they want to do.  However, before you proceed down this road it's well worth taking stock of your whole life.

Make sure that the life of the single person, despite its challenges, might just be right for you.  Finding a new partner is clearly not always the golden passport to a happy and fulfilled life.  Being single is totally OK and if that's what you want to do go ahead and be happy doing it.

a rose on piano keysTHE SEARCH
In days long ago before the delights of the internet, the mobile phone or social media meeting someone for a potential long term relationship, short term relationship or friend was largely restricted to the work environment, through mutual friends or a chance encounter in the pulsating roar of a heaving night club.

Today internet dating has come of age and is now widely (but not universally) perceived as a perfectly acceptable way to meet people.  This changes the whole process of meeting, relating and mating.

A whole new way of doing it
It opens up a whole world of opportunity which liberates single people looking to change their lifestyle.  Now the vital search phase of dating can be done in the comfort and security of your own home with a laptop and a glass of wine.  There are so many dating sites serving rather different types of daters.  Let's assume that you are seriously looking for a new partner and you are looking on the UK version of one of the high quality international sites.

Initially the best strategy is to cast a wide net looking for people who are close, say a maximum of twenty miles from you and within a realistic age range.  Read each profile carefully, you will easily take out those who are definitely not going to come close to floating your boat.

Consider carefully and don't keep looking for the perfect profile.  A perfect profile does not make a perfect date and it probably isn't out there anyway.  Guys, don't fuel your immature fantasies about much younger women.  Be sensible and look for women pretty much your own age.

THE SELECTION
The first thing to do is send a message, short simple just to say that you read his/her profile and thought you looked interesting.  There follows a game of tennis in which messages ping back and forth with total anonymity.  This can be very satisfying just like a good rally in tennis keeps you moving and thinking.

When you're ready it's time for a short list.  This sounds a bit calculating but it's best to keep stuff organised and begin to make some decisions about who you really think you might share something in common.  Just like in any reality TV competition some people have to leave the show early.

Part Two

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