Dating after divorce - avoid some of the pitfalls

Dating after divorce is a process full of uncertainity and a real possibility it could end in failure.  Unfortuneatly there is not a set of clear and definitive rules which will guarantee success to all your endeavours.

What's dating all about?
Blunders are bound to happen especially if you've been divorced for a long time.  However, despite the passage of time, the basic principle of dating is the same as it ever was.  The idea is to meet someone, get to know them a bit and then decide whether you could be friends, lovers or partners (or all three).  This is not a process to be rushed.

The first step
The first step to dating after divorce can be easily achieved by using the magic of the internet.  It's a good way to meet but you need to choose your internet dating site carefully as they cater for all tastes and types of relationships.  Choose a really good dating site and then give it time before your first meeting.  This could be a big step towards your new life after divorce.  

Getting to know the person and deciding how you both feel is the dating bit.  Here are three thoughts on stuff you should avoid in the early rounds of the dating process.

Man and a womanSharing relationship baggage
Dating should be filled with the excitement of meeting someone new.  Talking about past relationship failures and moaning about your former partner will not go down well.  Remember, your date is not your therapist.  Keep things light and fun at the beginning and there will be plenty of opportunity to share more later.

Mentioning commitment too soon
Clearly it's important to show that you care, but talking about what the future may hold is not a good plan at this stage.  The early weeks and months should be devoted to getting comfortable together and establishing if there's enough of a connection between you.  You don't need to consider the future, live for the moment.  Hopefully it will be obvious when the time is right to broach the 'c' topic, so be patient.

A date is not an interview
Avoid firing questions at your date as it could  feel like you're conducting an interview.  Dating is a process of discovery.  The conversation should be laid back and concentrate on mutual experiences and interests.   It's often on the first date that you get that feeling that this really could be 'something', so let that process be gentle and enquiring, don't kill it off by using the techniques of the Spanish Inquisition!

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