If it was easy we could all do it and get it right. It isn't easy, so good divorce advice on how to make the best of it is vital. It's a bit like being in a slow motion car crash.
Whether it's a simple shunt or it's a ‘bits all over the motorway' a 40 mph crash into anything from central barrier to a lamp post it will take time to recover. The worse the smash the longer it will take. But you will survive.
Surviving and thriving in life after divorce is more about attitude than individual bits of advice saying "do this or do that." Firstly it really helps to accept fully that it has happened and there is no way of going back.
It's over. Secondly to move on from that point of finality has to begin slowly. Like any journey it has to start with the first step (and like so many clichés this one is true too).
Accept the situation
This does not mean that you should immediately obliterate every memory and all evidence of your marriage. Whether you are 25 or 55 there will be lots of baggage to be gone through and selectively discarded. If over time you can get it down to just one a smart piece of cabin baggage you are in fine shape for the journey. Not only accept that this part of your life is definitely over but also accept who you now are and what you can achieve in this new life after divorce.
Move slowly forward
Regaining your life following divorce is not a sprint, it's not even a race, it's walk in the woods but you need to know the right path to take. To move forward you need to let the past drift away slowly receding gently towards the horizon.
Many just divorced people retain a curiosity or even an obsession about what their former spouse is doing, especially if they have a new partner. Let this go and do not use your children as informants about your former spouse. If they had wanted to be spies they would have joined MI5.
Getting into a new relationship is also something to do slowly. Be cautious and careful, you are probably emotionally fragile. Choose the dating site carefully; we have great dating here on the site.
In the last few months you have probably forgotten about looking after yourself, yes that's you guys too!. The turmoil, the pain and the stress have all taken their toll. You need a treat, whether that's the best sandwich ever for lunch, the latest iPod, a new bra and knickers (just to make you feel good) or that new tablet computer that you've always wanted. It won't make everything come right but you deserve it because you're worth it.