Some good advice to help your children in their life after divorce. Part One

The only people who are truly innocent and blameless in a divorce are your children.  The quality of their life after divorce is even more important than yours.  Their wellbeing must be your highest priority.

It's very easy to be so preoccupied with the challenges and uncertainties you are now facing that your children's quality of life does not receive the priority it deserves.  Here is some advice and guidance to help make things easier to give your children the life they deserve.  The advice is framed as a bunch of guidelines which you might want to treat as a set of actual rules to which both you and your ex spouse could formally agree.

pair of dice We will treat each other with respect at all times
The one thing that tends to evaporate in the searing heat of divorce is mutual respect.  When this has been lost it is very hard to get it back.  Without a basic respect for the other parent it is going to be very difficult to create a good life for your children now that life for them is so very different.

Common decency and basic respect is the only acceptable principle to follow when working with or talking with the other parent.  After all you once loved each other and created children together.

That at least demands some continuing respect.  Anything less than that will greatly reduce your children's chances of a stable and happy future.  It can also have a long term negative emotional impact on their relationships with you and with others for the rest of their lives.

We will not use derogatory terms when communicating with each other
This advice and guidance follows on directly from the need to respect each other.  If you can maintain a reasonably cordial relationship this will be easy advice to follow.  Criticising your children's other parent may make you feel better but it will do nothing at all to benefit your children.  It will only confuse them as the two most important people in their lives now appear to be mortal enemies.  Just imagine how difficult it must be for a child or indeed a teenager to make sense of that.

We agree to set our children's needs above our own our needs for territory and independence
Once a parent always a parent.  Parenthood is for life, there is no expiry date.  Children need parents and two is the ideal number.  Your lives as parents should therefore continue to be worked around the children's needs and schedules. Their lives should go on in a routine a way as possible.  Nobody said that life after divorce would be easy but with a bit respect and genuine cooperation the damage to your children's lives can be reduced as much as possible.


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