Parenting is still very much part of your life after divorce

Bringing up your children whether as a resident or non resident parent should still be an important part of your life after divorce.  Parenting after divorce is often complex, frustrating and confusing.

The divorce is tangible evidence of the fact that you no longer wish to share your lives together.  However, in life after divorce you still need to share the care and upbringing of your kids.  They need both parents to play an active role in their lives.  This is not an easy thing to do.

In many divorces the relationship between ex spouses is basically appalling.  Stress, unhappiness and anger take their toll.  The more confrontational the divorce and the longer the divorce process the more difficult it is to be able to have successful co-parenting arrangements.  This alone argues for a Family Mediator approach to divorce rather than the more traditional trench warfare approach using a solicitor.

So here are some thoughts to help cope with the challenge of raising happy, well-adjusted children through cooperative co-parenting.

family on the beachAttitude
This plays a big part in the success of your children's new life.  A positive approach to the divorce from the very outset will help you throughout the whole process.  Divorces are rarely mutual so this is asking a heck of a lot of both of you.  You may no longer love each other but you still love your kids.  They are totally innocent.  Do it for them.

Attitudes take time to become established.  Just because it did not go too well straight after the divorce it does not mean that you can't both persevere to give your children a better life through positive co-parenting.  It's never too late to start regardless of how long you have been divorced.  The decisions you make today in terms of being positive and cooperative will have an effect upon your kids for the rest of their lives.

The world is very much what we perceive it to be and we usually look to create an outcome to justify that belief.  The world was once believed to be flat.  This was a problem with the flat earth as nobody fell off the edge.  A new perception emerged to explain this lack of edge and the rest is geography!

If you perceive yourself to be a victim in your divorce, you will find and focus on the evidence to prove that to be true.  However, if you focus upon learning from the experience you can derive benefits and value in your life after divorce, despite how much pain was involved in the divorce process.  You will also more readily accept responsibility for your part in the collapse of your relationship.  There is no such thing as total blame for one side or the other.

Be respectful to each other
The trouble is that respect is very often the last thing you have for each other after the divorce.  Unfortunately anger and resentment are more likely emotions.  This negativity will severely hamper rational and constructive communication with your former spouse.  This is the very ingredient which is vital to effective co parenting.  Without some at least functional communication with your former spouse your children will not get the life after they deserve.

You and your former spouse will be parenting your children for many years, even decades to come.  Take a look at these three foundations of good co-parenting, Attitude, Perception and Respect.  Get these right and you will be able to develop a cordial and working relationship with your former spouse.  Remember your child loves their other parent as much as they love you.

Treat your former spouse with a level of respect and dignity in all your dealings and they are more likely to return the same level of respect to you.


Follow Us

Back to top