Making divorce easier for your children: Part Two

There are ways that parents can help their children to cope with the consequences of divorce more easily.  This divorce advice may help your children deal better with the divorce and make life after divorce a better place to be.

child listening to her parents arguingHelping your children talk about it
You need to encourage your children to be honest with you about the way they feel about what is happening.  This in itself will be difficult as they will likely be confused by all that is going on.  However, they will be able to see that you are trying to understand them and are taking their feeling into consideration.

It is important that you sit down with you children and listen carefully to what they have to say even though you may find it difficult and stressful.  They may not readily be able to articulate their emotions but they will appreciate your patience and concern to help them through these confusing times.

Be honest
Perhaps the most difficult question you are likely to be asked is "Why are you getting divorced?"  Be truthful, don't make it up and don't go into detail.  If you have just "fallen out of love", "drifted apart" or "just can't stand each other" try to say that gently.  Accusing your spouse of serial adultery and hence heaping the blame for the breakdown of the marriage on him/her is unfair, unjust and a very bad idea.

Do not blame each other
Try very hard not to display animosity towards your spouse in front of your children.  Do not blame each other as this can easily split the family into two camps, "I'm on mummy's side", "I'm on daddy's side."  This is not a good situation and will lead to the children being more traumatised than they already are.

Keep the routines
Finally, if you can keep their normal routines as much as possible this will help to provide them with some normality in their life which they will find comforting.  Keep up with the Brownies or football practice, these are important ways of preserving a measure of continuity in their lives.  The fewer changes you make in your children's lives during the divorce the better able they will be cope trauma and uncertainties of these difficult times.  Keep going it will work out OK.

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