How to make the divorce process a bit easier: Part Two

The divorce process is always going to be painful.  Many couples find it all too easy to make difficulties for each other and to deny the reality of their situation.  Here is some divorce advice to help make the divorce process and the change to a new life just a little bit better.

There are many ways for each of you to make things more difficult, painful and expensive for the other.  There is usually no need for advice on how to do this, for many it seems to come naturally.  However, for those not bent upon maximum destruction there are some simple ways to help you towards a stress reduced divorce.

sep_and_div.jpgUse a mediator
The first thing that goes in a marriage is communication.  Not making love anymore is very often a reliable sign of things going wrong.  The better the communication before and during the divorce the easier will be the task of dismantling the marriage in a civilised way rather than resorting to demolition using high explosive.  A mediator or counseller will allow basic communication to continue despite both parties often being deep in their respective bunkers.  

Keep the name of the third party to yourself
If adultery is your route to divorce then it's best not to name the person with whom you had sex.  Your spouse is going to be upset enough by knowing this without being able to imagine you bonking, or having a deep and meaningful relationship with, his/her best friend.

Don't fight over the contents of your house
Wasting time, effort and emotional energy on a "That's mine", "No, it's mine" battle over the CD collection or the wedding gift cutlery is both exhausting and ultimately unproductive.  It's just not worth it for anything other than the most treasured personal possessions.  The money you will save with the lawyers will more than allow you to replace the Ikea dining table and chairs or the lawnmower.

Your spouse has financial needs too
Using the divorce to force your spouse into abject poverty is not nice (afterall there was a time when you loved and cared for each other) and it's ulimately more expensive for both of you.  Most divorcing couples cannot afford to divorce.  Life living apart costs a lot more money than most divorcing couples can imagine.

The best divorce advice is to look after the needs of your children first and then agree to share the pain of your reduced material circumstances between you.  The financial settlement in a divorce is often used as a scorecard for the marriage.  The 'I want more than you, because I'm right' attitude is totally understandable but is negative, destructive and just makes things more diifficult between you after the divorce.  And who will suffer the most from that?  Your children.



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