The moment you decide (or your spouse decides for you) that your marriage is at an end and the divorce process is about to begin the stress levels will ramp up rapidly for both of you. All the emotions of guilt, fear, hurt and anger threaten to engulf you.
If you have not tried counselling or family mediation then it's not too late and it's always going to be far better than a combative divorce. If the closure you are seeking is going to be divorce then your stress levels are going to be at their highest. This is the time when you're most vulnerable to making serious divorce mistakes on your way to a new life after divorce. Here are the top four mistakes that both men and women make during the divorce process.
Bringing a "friend" around to meet your children
It's often tempting to do this. If there is a new "someone" in your life who is supportive and you are grateful to have him or her in your life keep them out of your home life. This can be enormously confusing and damaging to your kids who will be struggling to cope with the reality of divorce let alone a stranger being introduced into the maelstrom. It will also infuriate your soon to be ex and that is not going to help the outcome of the divorce either. It's not long to wait and there will be plenty of time in your life after divorce to introduce this new family dynamic.
Asking friends for divorce legal advice
If you have a friend who is a divorce lawyer then you are lucky to have a source of expert and free legal advice. This goes for divorced friends too, they may know more than you do about it but certainly not enough too to offer reliable legal advice. You'll get conflicting divorce advice from well meaning friends which will only add further confusion and uncertainty to your life.
Hiring the cheapest divorce lawyer
Trying to get a cheap divorce is very rarely the best idea. However you do need the best value. Value is based not just on the financial outcome of the divorce settlement.
It's about having a lawyer who will think it through carefully and has your real interest upper most in the negotiations. You'll also want a divorce lawyer who will explain the process and answer your questions. We can offer a choice of excellent divorce lawyers local to you.
Hiring the meanest divorce lawyer
The meanest lawyer isn't going to get you the divorce support you need. Having two lawyers trying to beat the crap out of each other on your behalf is counterproductive and only adds to the cost of the divorce. This is especially true if there is a court hearing, combative lawyers are not liked by judges.
Sweet reason backed by good arguments is the best and most cost effective strategy. However, if your spouse hires the cougar lawyer and you have the local pussy cat then you really need to think seriously about getting yourself a lion. Cougars are deadly and are rather good at ripping your head off. You need protection.