Some important things to do in the early days after divorce

The immediate aftermath of divorce is often a bleak landscape through which you move with fear and trepidation.  It's uncharted terrain, you have a heavy burden to bear and progress is faltering. 

Now that's a description that is heard a lot.  It need not be like that.  There is a whole load of stuff that you can chuck out to lighten your load and speed your journey towards a better life after divorce.

woman sitting on a pink sofa on a beachGuilt and its close companion blame
This guilt feeling is a big thing.  You may be saying "It was down to me, I am the cause of all this.  I am guilty of ending the marriage.  It was my fault that he/she wanted to get a divorce.  The blame for this will be with me forever."  No you aren't and no it won't.   

The causes of a relationship breakdown are many and complex.  Neither of you is totally responsible for the divorce.  It may be a 90/10 split or it maybe 50/50.  Either way both the guilt and the blame are shared.

You may feel that it's all your ex spouse's fault, he or she is totally responsible and must take all the blame.  You have nothing to be guilty about the fault is elsewhere.  You are the victim.  It's really difficult but you have to let go of all this.

The divorce is a fact.  You may feel totally devastated but letting go of the guilt/blame stuff in your head will help you to take real and positive steps towards a better life after divorce.  It will take time to do this but the sooner you start the sooner will you rid yourself of these destructive thoughts.

The past is past
Another difficult step to take when from your new vantage point your past looks so much better than what you fear lies ahead of you.  However difficult your marriage may have been compared with an uncertain future its old familiarities can appear so comforting and attractive.

It is impossible to live in a world that no longer exists.  Acknowledging this fact and looking the future straight in the eye is the only way forward.  Divorce is an opportunity to make a better life which can only be achieved by realising that you have to escape from your past before you can enjoy your future.

Embrace change
This is all part of dumping the bad stuff from the past.  The uncertainties of life ahead will be easier if you are not looking over your shoulder at the life you once had.  In doing this it is very important to have a period in which you can grieve for the life that has gone forever.  It's like a death and it has to be mourned in the same way.

Fear and a sense of loss are the great drivers of unhappiness immediately after divorce.  Fear of the unknown can be much reduced by embracing the new opportunities that life now offers.  Life has changed forever but by acknowledging this and working hard to jettison the serious baggage of the divorce a new and successful life can emerge.  Stuff will go wrong (it always does) but stick with it and the good life after divorce that you deserve will be yours.

 

 

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