One of the first casualties of a bad marriage is often an unsatisfying sexual relationship which can gradually dwindle to no sexual relationship. Many divorcing couples have not had sex (with each other!) for years.
This dismal situation will not have been the cause of the divorce but it is one of the most obvious and distressing symptoms. Here is some divorce advice about what you might need to help nurture a new loving and sexually satisfying relationship in your new life.
Getting back into having a satisfying relationship will take time
The divorce experience tends to strip off and shred much of your emotional insulation. You can easily feel naked and totally exposed, unable to venture into the new world to take advantage of the new opportunities that life after has to offer. This will not last forever! There are ways to help to create loving and satisfying relationships, here are five suggestions for what you need for love and great sex in your life after divorce.
It's all about taking a risk, exposing your true self, your needs and desires. This can be risky as it can lead to rejection. Be honest about who you are and how you feel both emotionally and sexually.
If your sexual or emotional needs are a bit off Main Street then communicate this to your partner at the right time, gently and with care. There is little in life that that can be achieved without an element of vulnerability and a good sexual relationship with your partner is certainly one of them.
You need to trust each other both physically and emotionally. Trust is made up from a host of human emotion emotions; respect, truthfulness, empathy and love itself. Trust makes you feel safe and feeling safe is a fundamental human need and a vital foundation for a successful relationship.
This is about sharing and getting close physically, psychologically and emotionally. True intimacy means sharing your good qualities as well as your faults and insecurities with your partner and him or her recognizing these and reciprocating in a loving way.
This requires being in tune with the other person and being able to experience how they feel and what they want and need. It is vital that each partner can fully understand how the relationship is experienced from the other's viewpoint. Of course this will never happen completely but if every man or woman understood his or her partner then that would probably greatly reduce the creative tension which provides the indefinable spark which is the essence of a human sexual relationship.
An important complement to empathy. Empathy is about understanding someone else from their point of view and respect is about valuing the whole person as well as the differences between you. The other often overlooked aspect of respect is respect for oneself. This is vital as self respect is often another early casualty of divorce.
Get prepared for a new relationship
Building a new relationship is not quite as simple as registering with a good dating site and off you go. Pause for reflection and prepare yourself for the very different world you are about to enter. Using the ideas above can give you the foundations upon which you can build a great new relationship.