Post divorce reunion - can it ever work or is it just dangerous and deluding?

The immediate shock of the divorce can for many people be likened to being hit by a fully laden truck travelling at well over the speed limit.  For others it can be a blessed release from a nightmare relationship.

However, for the majority it is a devastating event which will change your life completely.  The future will have lost any predictability it might once have had and will now be defined by a scary uncertainty and a fear of the unknown.  Life after divorce can be a daunting prospect.

couple reunited on the beachSeeing your marriage in a different light

If you, like the majority of divorced people, are in this middle area then you might well look back towards the marriage in a more understanding and forgiving way.  Sometimes spouses only discover the depth of their life together after the divorce.  Problems that in the marriage seemed to be insurmountable can often appear to be more manageable or even evaporate under a calmer gaze of your new real life after divorce.

The emotional release of the divorce allows for a more rational and measured approach.  Have you really stopped loving your partner or was it all the other stuff in a marriage that suffocated what was actually going along OK?  If the feelings you once had for your partner really are over and have been replaced by anything between disinterest and loathing then going through the divorce process to a new life is clearly the best way for you to go.

There is no surefire way to a post divorce reunion 

US divorce websites (and some UK ones) are full to bursting with advice such as "Seven easy steps to get your ex back".  I have even even seen claims to get your ex back if he or she has moved to another part of the country and is living with someone else!  Clearly this is a complete nonsense.

The divorce process itself can be cathartic and in a curious way lead to a better understanding of the relationship.  This may lead on to a realisation that the problems of the marriage were not fundamental.  The trauma of the divorce process in a way can be a purgative which helps define the real strengths (and weaknesses) of the relationship.  The whole divorce process can help redefine the marriage and in very rare cases it can reveal that the marriage was and still is strong and lasting.

 

The perils of going back to try again
Restarting a relationship let alone a marriage is a very risky thing to do.  Apart from the obvious dangers it is an admission that a grave mistake has been made as you have both gone through a major trauma which need not have happened.  However, there is another way to look at it; only by going through the trauma could you sweep away the detritus of the marriage and find the true reality of a strong relationship.

Long ago, when Hollywood was just a place where lots of film actors worked and celebrity was a word found only in the dictionary and not posing on a red carpet in a borrowed frock, there was a world famous couple who married twice.  The actors Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were married for ten years got divorced and then remarried a year later only to be divorced a year after that.  Not a resounding endorsement of getting back with your ex.

There is a chance it could work

The chances of making it back together after even the most amicable of divorces is very small.  So much damage has been caused and the wounds are so deep that any reunion is likely to be doomed.  However, if you both of you really have made a mistake then have the courage and the determination to go for it.  If you are still genuinely in love then it could be the best thing you have ever done.  Good luck!

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