Old advice on finding a new partner after divorce

Dating through the internet can be fun and rewarding.  It's easy to meet new people and kick start your life after divorce.  However, there are other ways which do not involve crouching over a hot laptop surveying a parade of possible partners from Portsmouth.

Finding someone wonderful might be nearer than you think
All of these involve mixing with other people in various ways and in a variety of social environments.  The best post divorce advice is look to your work, family and friends for meeting new people.  According to research the best environment is somewhere you feel happy and relaxed and there is the stimulation of mutual challenges and purpose, just like at work. 

Where to look
The work environment is ideal and may well provide this but if not getting involved in something that you really like would work equally well.  I know this could sound deadly dull (the last thing you need after the rigours of a divorce) but it can work and it's not just about doing pottery or Italian classes on a wet Tuesday evening.  Join or get involved in anything from a choir to the local Chamber of Commerce, as long as it involves likeminded people.

two rabbits out on a dateIt's about being with other people with whom we share something in common and with whom you can be relaxed.  Being comfortable in a social situation makes us less self conscious and self critical, which is a perfect state of mind in which to meet a new partner.

Who will be attracted to whom
Apparently the best predictor of attraction is not good looks or even personality but the sheer amount of time you spend in each other's company.  Not surprisingly the extent of similarity between you is also key measure of likely attraction.

We like to be with people who confirm our own view of the world and who share some demographics and lifestyle with us.  Beware of being too similar or you will end up with very boring conversations over dinner!

Send time listening rather than talking
Being open to other people, genuinely listening to what the other person is saying and being positive is good.  Long monologues about your work or sporting prowess do not make for a great initial impression.  The key is to give the relationship time to breath and grow, don't force it.  You never know your foray into the delights of pottery may end up with far more to show for it than a dodgy flower vase.

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