How to get through the trauma and make a good life after divorce: Part Two

Divorce is a very difficult time.  Fear, anger and resentment rush into your life like three ravenous attack dogs bent on mayhem.  Guilt stalks slowly behind them biding its time before joining the fray. 

dreamstime_three_dogs2786396.jpgDon't be fearful of what may or may not happen.
To use the oft quoted words of President Roosevelt "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."  It's true the fear of the future makes us run damaging ‘what if' scenarios producing ever more dire outcomes.  When you are in major crisis your predictions will be pessimistic to reflect those fears and it's easy to be caught up in an ever increasing spiral of despair.

Stuff will happen and you will have a greater or a lesser say in how things turn out.  It's a period in your life where you will have less control or even influence on crucial events in your life.  What you must avoid at all costs is being intimidated by ‘what-if' scenarios.

The best divorce advice is to prevent yourself from worrying about what might happen by just concentrating on the present.  These precious few moments right here, right now.  As far as possible, try to live in the moment and be conscious of the future as the next place you are going to.  Connect with the world around you through all your senses and focus on each day at a time.  The future will happen and if it goes that way life after divorce will be OK.

Take one small step at a time, the Neil Armstrong way.
In many difficult situations the tendency is to rush in with big feet and large strides and to expect too much too quickly.  This is especially true if you are trying to repair the relationship, it's the most difficult and most likely to fail.  Don't rush it.

This does not means sitting around doing bugger all but it does mean being thoughtful and deliberate.  If you rush you will inevitably make mistakes which could have long term emotional and financial consequences.  If things get to the divorce process itself then you will almost certainly need help to guide you through the complexities and pitfalls of the divorce process.

Bear this in mind and don't pressurise yourself to being constantly on the case.  Progress will be slow and there will be major setbacks but unthought through decisions and hasty judgements must be avoided so you can secure a good life after divorce for you and your children.

Listen to yourself and do what you really need to do.
At a time of crisis it is easy to agonise, ponder and deliberate for far too long over the choices that will have to be made.  Listen to your heart and to do what you really want to achieve.  Knowing what you want for yourself means really listening to what is going inside you.

For the most part people do not do what they really want because they are hampered by convention, upbringing or most often finances.  However, if you are able to do what you want within your given circumstances, then you have gone a long way to wresting control of the crisis from others.  You will reduce the dimensions of your divorce crisis and even transform the crisis into an opportunity.  That is a major, life-changing achievement and one which be the foundation of a new and better life.

 

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