Five warning signs that life after divorce might be just around the corner

For every crisis we encounter in life there are usually some indications before the event that it is going to happen.  Divorce is one of those events.  No divorce comes out of the blue, they all have history.

Couples often end up going through the divorce process because they have waited too long before getting the help they need to save their relationship.  If issues within the marriage are not dealt with by honest, open and thoughtful communication then they will only fester and become even more damaging by being ignored.  Resentment and frustration will build up and his only helps to force couples further apart.

Below are five important signs that are a wakeup call for you to start talking with your partner about the state of your marriage and how you can fix it before life after divorce beckons.  These are not reasons for divorce but given these signs they will probably be there if a divorce is the outcome.   

1. You rarely, if ever have sex
This is the big one and is often an early indicator of things going wrong.  Maybe one of you wants sex and the other doesn’t want sex or maybe you have both stopped needing that intimate connection with each other.  Whatever the reason, a marriage that lacks sexual intimacy and affection will find it hard to survive.  However, there is help available.  

2. You often dream about a life without your spouse
Spending time thinking about how much better life would be if you were divorced is not uncommon.  It happens to many couples during times of marital difficulty.  No marriage is ever without its stresses and strains.  It becomes a problem when you find yourself fantasising about divorce often.  When things are not going well it is easy to suppose that almost any alternative would be better.  Divorce is a much bigger step than getting married in the first place and it is certainly not the easy solution to problems in the marriage.

3. The bad stuff in the marriage outweighs the good stuff
If the negative outweighs the good in your marriage, your marriage is not in good shape and probably in need of help.  Try to identify which of these negative aspects are the most important and which are the ones which could be easier to modify.  There will always be some negative stuff but if you can talk about this and work out ways to reduce it then you have already started back on the road to a better marriage.

4. You keep things bottled up and find it hard to talk
Lack of real open communication is at the root of all problems within a marriage.  If you find yourself dreading talking to your spouse about your feelings then you share this problems with the majority of married couples.  It's just the way people are; it's not just a man thing women do it too.  The way past it is to be able to trust you partner completely and be OK about feeling vulnerable.  Easy it isn't.

Good communication is the best way to relieve stress and build a stronger bond between couples.  If you are uncomfortable communicating then get help through counselling.  Relate can really help with all aspect of relationships this will help build back trust between you which is such an important ingredient in all relationships.

5. You feel like you are the only one trying to solve problems
Are you frustrated when every time you try to discuss ‘things' your spouse finds a reason to avoid or postpone the conversation?  Does this make you feel that you are the only one trying to make it work?  It probably does and it's probably not true.

If you are feeling that it's not going well your partner will almost certainly be having those same feelings.  It's common for both spouses to withdraw if they feel the issues in the marriage are being avoided.  Eventually one or other could shut down all together and no longer be interested in solving the problems in the relationship.  Don't let this happen, get help.

Many, many problems in a marriage can be solved if there is shared belief in the marriage and a shared desire to fix the difficulties.  If at the end there is no prospect of this happening then get a good lawyer and go for divorce as kindly and gently as you can.

 

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