All marriages are worth trying to save, whilst some can be saved others will never be. Is there a fundamental cause of marriage failure? Is there some common lack that tears apart the delicate fabric of a relationship.
Fundamental cause of marriage failure
Well, yes there is. It's called a lack of happiness. It's that growing awareness of just not feeling happy. Happiness is a goal, it's a state of mind to be achieved because it makes me feel good. Of course happiness and unhappiness are not black and white things, there's an awful lot of grey in between.
I guess you feel unhappy when your level of unhappiness reaches a certain point and becomes ‘unacceptable'. It's at this point that you take action in an attempt to reduce this back to an acceptable level.
Happiness has often been an objective of government
The concept of being happy as a fundamental personal goal is enshrined in the US Declaration of Independence. Many believe that this states that there is a right to be happy. This is not so, the inalienable rights drafted so beautifully by Thomas Jefferson were "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
What makes us feel happy?
It's all the obvious stuff like a satisfying job, no money worries, a good relationship, good friends etc. If we don't feel happy we look for the reasons why and usually look for someone or something to blame for causing us to be unhappy. We rarely look into ourselves to see whether the answers may lie within us and so be something for which we can take responsibility.
The level of happiness in our lives is regulated by two different factors, those internal factors about who we are and how we relate to the world and the external environment in which we live. Looking into yourself to understand the source of your unhappiness is not easy and takes time and perseverance. Putting the blame on the world out there is a lot easier and dumping it all on your partner is easier still.
Is this the answer?
No relationships are ever perfect bliss, all have their problems many of which will have been building up slowly over the years. These problems and difficulties are then projected on to the other person. The logic for this is to believe that by removing this person from your life will cure of your unhappiness. Thus are divorces born and so the uncertain prospect of a life after divorce stretches before you.
There are also marriages that are always going to crash and burn
There are always those relationships that are really doomed to failure even before the marriage has taken place. The foundations of the marriage are insubstantial, the love, the trust and the passion are not there, even the companionship and compatibility is missing. Be kind and considerate, you are both to blame for this failure. Don't fight each other, part gently and have a civilised divorce. Do it like this and chances of a fulfilling life after divorce will be the greater.