Divorce with dignity - it does not have to be deeply damaging

It's never going to be the same again.  Youbetcha, but life after divorce can be OK and headed towards being very good.  It's all about how you do it.  The more rancor and bitterness from either side the worse will be the final outcome. 

How to have a really bad divorce
The loss of control is probably the sensation from which all the destructive emotions of fear, anger and guilt spring.  These can then amalgamate into aggression which seeks to pit you against the other person trying to make their life and by so doing yours, as difficult as possible.  The only conceivable outcome of this is a protracted, damaging and very expensive divorce.

The other way to do it
There are shed loads of divorce advice available on how to have a good divorce.  However, there are a couple of principles worth hanging on to.  Stop trying to analyse how you got into the divorce situation or in or all the things you might be able to do to stop it happening.  If one of you believes divorce is the only resolution to your relationship then accept it (I mean really accept it), it's going to happen.  Now think of nothing but the future and how that can be shaped in your best interests and those of your kids and your ex partner.

Solicitor or Mediator?
Most divorces need a solicitor and that usually is quite costly but often the best way to go.  However, you could decide to use a Family Mediator as a much less confrontational option which can help to lower the stress and provide a more dignified divorce.

silhouette of parents with a young childIt's not an easy thing to do
The future is the only thing over which you have any control.  Concentrate on that and let everything else go.  Given that you may feel more intensely about the collapse of your relationship than anything else in your life (apart from the way you felt about your partner when you decided to get married!) shovelling all this to one side to concentrate on the future will take a great and sustained effort.  Just believe this is the only way to achieve a dignified divorce from which a new and better life will emerge.

You owe this to your kids
The better the divorce the better it is for the kids.  It's that simple and that difficult.  Fighting, point scoring and making things difficult will only make their lives a whole lot more stressful.  They will be spending time with both of you and that will a lot more difficult if you post divorce relationship is as cordial and lacking bitterness as you can make it.

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