5 things you might want to know about getting a good divorce

There are some things that you can do to help make the whole process of divorce less traumatic for both of you.  Damage limitation is the best course.  Fighting each other causes wounds which can take a long time to heal.

Don't use aggressive lawyers
Aggressive lawyers do much more harm to both of you than the ordinary lawyers.  Doing it yourself using a self-help guide, such as Lawpack's DIY Separation & Divorce Kit can be a good idea.  Using tried and tested lawyers that have been recommended by friends is also a good way to go.  If you need a good local lawyer we can recommend one who will help you down the rock strewn road to divorce.

cut out family held in the palm of the handProtect your children
Never involve your children in the trench warfare or blitzkrieg between you and absolutely never use them as pawns to achieve your financial goals. The courts quite rightly take a very dim view of divorcing parents who deny or offer contact with their children in return for some financial gain.

Children are more affected by the way their parents behave towards each other before, during and after the divorce than by the divorce itself.  Don't let them down by involving them; they are too precious to allow that to happen.

Be dignified
Don't conduct your dealings with your soon-to-be ex as though you're in the middle of a reenactment of the Battle of The Somme (most devastating battle of the First World War 1916).  Keep your contact measured and don't allow yourself to become personal or critical of your spouse or their lawyer (even if their lawyer has the demeanor of a rattlesnake and the moral integrity of a scorpion).  When you feel really angry don't immediately write or pick up the phone - wait until you feel a bit calmer and then decide if it's worth doing or saying.

Tell the truth
This is an absolute must in all matters financial.  If you are discovered to be hiding assets you may find yourself being penalised by the Court.  Getting the best divorce financial advice is vital making the right decisions.  If you try to hide things and you're found out, your spouse will delve into your affairs in such a way as to increase costs for both of you and then be unlikely to want to reach an early settlement.  Costs can also go through the roof.

Be empathetic
Everybody goes has strong emotions during a divorce - anger, resentment, guilt, relief, sadness, etc. - sometimes all of them at the same time.  You are both going to survive the divorce so if you can do this without having a scorched earth policy it will give both of you a better life after divorce.  Be as kind as you can, there is nothing that can be done to halt the process, short of a last minute mutual change of mind.  This rarely happens.


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